I Refuse To Get Sick: Fighting Fire With Fireball


Someone who will remain nameless has tried to infect me with the plague. You know, having moist orifices with the feeling you took up sword swallowing and cannot remember because of that pounding headache (why the heck am I typing so loud) situation? Yeah I don’t have time for this kind of sick. So while he who shall remain nameless went the route of antibiotics, I chose to take up drinking.

Now when I have a sinus issue I neti pot, which has a vulgar yet entertaining quality to it as you pour saline water through one nostril and out the other with a teapot that has a phallic spout. This is all well and good and drug free but does not really help with sore throats. I am trying to fight of a wicked sore throat and I would say I am winning although possibly intoxicated or hung over. (Not really but I do have a headache that could be from the drink or the disease. Meh I don’t know that I care at this point).

So here is the deal (I will try not to slur). Grab a bottle of Fireball. The cinnamon is reminiscent of mouthwash and will hide the fact you have been drinking just after you brushed your teeth in the morning and just before you dropped off your kid at preschool or whatever the heck got your infectious butt to leave the house. Seriously though, at least you can take comfort in knowing you were not Patient Zero. Pour a tiny splash of Fireball into a glass and gargle with it until you can feel your uvula melt off. At this point you can spit or swallow and try to carry on with your day in a drunken, viral induced stupor. I repeat this process a few times a day whenever my throat begins to feel like a petri dish again.

All joking aside, I actually do this and it really works. I have used this method for sore throats for a very long time and i am pleased how it numbs the pain substantially on contact without all the chemicals that throat sprays have. I mean really, at 33% alcohol content it is like sanitizer for your throat! I also use hot water and honey as a beverage to sooth my burning esophagus.

Take that sore throat! *Maniacal laughter*


2 thoughts on “I Refuse To Get Sick: Fighting Fire With Fireball

  1. I find drinking lemon juice, with a little added honey, in warm water does the trick for me. You can actually feel the sour lemon juice stripping the germs away. Hope you feel better soon.


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